24 Hours Later

As I start writing this, it has been more than 24 hours since the Barack Obama acceptance speech. I don't want this feeling to go away. I haven't been able to put into words, exactly what I am feeling, what I felt last night. I am filled with sincere humility and tearjerking joy at what has happened.

At about 10:57 Chris Matthews on MSNBC began talking about what it might mean if the west coast came in for Obama, if he was the next president. And then 11:00 hit, and they all came in for him, and he was. The enormous exhale, the relief that what we knew would happen, a west coast sweep, had. 

It is an amazing feeling that I have right now, and maybe that is better left un-dissected, only appreciated in an experiential way, but that is not my way, so.....there we all were, in my basement apartment in Brooklyn New York and we were cheering and hugging. And I started to tear up because the struggle has seemed so hard and so long and there it is. We won. But then the TV switches its feed. Chicago. A quarter of a million people cheering and crying. And it was amazing. And the feed changes again, this time to Harlem and a young black girl is crying and another has fallen on the floor in tears, curled up in the fetal position, and I began to cry and then times square, and then....the crowd by the White House. On my block people were in front of their houses cheering. We all ran outside to watch the spectacle. People were screaming from blocks away and in the distance there were fireworks. We heard the strains of John McCain's concession speech through the window and hurried back to watch. 

McCain was conciliatory, his speech, heartfelt, I believe, and was only marred by one or two of his lunatic fringe supporters shouting out slurs and booing when he mentioned Obama by name. It felt good, but the sense of vindication I thought I would have had was muted. I really couldn't believe what I was seeing and the more I thought about it the less sure I was about what I was witnessing. The celebrations outside continued and we went in and out of the apartment, taking turns celebrating with others and watching states come in for Obama. My neighbor, a Tibetan artist came over and said he was so happy. He told me that the rest of the world looks to America. He told me that what we did was amazing. As the time for Obama's speech grew closer, whatever minute thoughts I had for the political ramifications I had thought about so much and followed so closely, melted away. I couldn't understand why I didn't feel what I thought I would feel. And then, his speech began:

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all 

things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in 

our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your 

answer.

"It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in 

numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and 

four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that 

this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.

"It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and 

Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, 

disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that 

we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states 

and blue states.

"We are, and always will be, the United States of America.

"It's the answer that led those who've been told for so long by so many to be 

cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve to put their hands 

on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

"It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this

date in this election at this defining moment change has come to America."

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer? The chill up my spine was soul altering. The answers rushed to my mind, into my heart, and out of my eyes as tears in a vicious cycle that left me euphoric, then hysterical with laughter, then sobbing like a baby in tight, twisting succession, and nearly completely internalized, as I was still able to concentrate my conscious mind on the words this man was saying. 

"It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their 

generation's apathy ... who left their homes and their families for jobs that 

offered little pay and less sleep. It drew strength from the not-so-young 

people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on doors of 

perfect strangers, and from the millions of Americans who volunteered and 

organized and proved that more than two centuries later a government of the 

people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth."

"Their generation's apathy." it reminded me of RFK's line: "The future does not belong to those who are content with today, apathetic toward common problems and their fellow man alike, timid and fearful in the face of new ideas and bold projects. Rather it will belong to those who can blend vision, reason and courage in a personal commitment to the ideals and great enterprises of American Society." And yet there was still this swelling, up and down and around inside of me. He continued:

"The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in 

one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful 

than I am tonight that we will get there.I promise you, we as a people will get 

there."

"This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for 

generations. But one that's on my mind tonight's about a woman who cast 

her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line 

to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing: Ann Nixon 

Cooper is 106 years old.

"She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars 

on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for 

two reasons -- because she was a woman and because of the color of her 

skin.

"And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in 

America -- the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the 

times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that 

American creed: Yes we can.

"At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she 

lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we 

can.

"When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she 

saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of 

common purpose. Yes we can.

AUDIENCE: Yes we can.

"When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the 

world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a 

democracy was saved. Yes we can.

AUDIENCE: Yes we can.

"She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in 

Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people 

that We Shall Overcome. Yes we can.

AUDIENCE: Yes we can.

"A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a 

world was connected by our own science and imagination.

"And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast 

her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and 

the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

AUDIENCE: Yes we can.

"America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much

more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves -- if our children should live to 

see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as 

Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have 

made?

"This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

"This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of 

opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of 

peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, 

that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we 

are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will 

respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we 

can.

"Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America."

And it was over. But my emotions had not stopped. I was Spinning around this spot I could not focus on, his words in my head, that little black girl crying, My days and nights on the streets of North Philly, knocking on doors and talking to black folks and little black girls just like the one on the TV and there he was, this black man, our next President, embroidering these words, musical, yet sober. And I can't figure out why I feel so strange. And I rely on what tools I have, my reason, my theories, my Ideals and I can find nothing to aid me. And I begin to try and piece it together and....

Do you remember when you were in elementary school and you were taught that in America, anyone can be what they want to be, and that we are free and that America is the greatest country in the world? And you believed it? You believed it with all of the wild eyed innocence of a child, because you were a child. You believed it because you were fresh and clean and new, unstained.

It may have been Junior High or High School, or even College, when anyone with any shred of intelligence realizes that these thing aren't true. Not everyone can be anything they want. We are not a free country. We are not the greatest country on earth. Our undeniable history, a dark, dark history of violence, genocide, slavery and oppression, creeps into the reality of how we see our nation; An adult, mature vision tarnished by the ugly realities of how we came to be, and what we have done; what has been done in our name. We lose our faith. We fall from grace, and like all the apples from trees of knowledge, we cannot get it back. We cannot regain that innocence, cannot believe in the unbelievable. We hope for a small change in the glacial battle of evil against less evil. We discuss our political choices as lesser of two evils scenarios. The reality of America and the American dream do not jibe. The reality of America is a far cry from the American dream. But I am still spinning, and I don't know why and there are his words and that little black girl and there's a black man on The Television and he's our next president.

And I know that's impossible because this is America, and in the real America a black man with a funny name can't be president. And I think about that little girl, and how for her, there is going to be a black person in the White House, and he won't be a servant or a slave. A person that looks like her. And it comes over me in waves. that the reality has shattered. And the jokes made, that after the worst presidency ever, only the Democrats could fuck it up for everyone and lose the election by putting a black man or a woman up as president, because it was a fact. Because that can't happen. Not a woman president. Not a Black president. Not in America. But there he is on TV and the people out on the street are cheering. 

I had tried to help. I started to believe the numbers. I began to believe that Obama would win. I thought about how cool it would be. But when it became official, that spinning, those tears, were not tears of victory for my candidate, or for my ideals. I was in shock because I was realizing what had really happened, as an American as a human being, as a citizen of earth, the hurdle that was being overcome. And I thought of Martin Luther King, and Robert Kennedy. I see the tears streaming down Jessie Jackson's face on the TV as they stream down mine and then John Lewis is on TV, a Representative from Georgia who was beaten during Civil rights marches with King and still has scars is puffy faced from crying and so am I, and I think about all of the blood, shed for this to happen, the sacrifices and the pain of lives erased or ruined so this night could be a reality.

And Obama's words are ringing in my head, "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer." And as my throat closed and I cried again I realized that I believed in America again, like I did when I was eight, in elementary school and the books said we were free and the teachers said we were the greatest nation on earth and anyone could become anything they wanted to be and a half black kid with a wacky name could be president and there he was on TV telling me to believe and I believed. Telling me it was real and it was real and I was eight again.

No black mother or father will ever have to tell their son or daughter that they will never be president because they're black. No black mother or father will ever have to think they are lying to their child when say that they can be president, because it won't be a lie. Because America is the greatest country in the world, where anyone can grow up to be anything.

And the world is watching too. And maybe my neighbor is right. Maybe this is amazing. And maybe this changes everything everywhere, because America is the greatest country in the world because anyone can grow up to be anything. Maybe the world does look to us. Maybe This feeling, this spinning, these tears mean more than I could possibly fathom.

And I know that in a few days or a few weeks this will pass and we'll have to come down to earth and deal with the huge issues we have, pay for the horrible sins we have committed but right now I don't have to think about that because I'm an eight year old inside and I believe in the American dream. And I'm not a child, but I feel like a child and it is even sweeter to have overcome, to overcome our history, to recapture that child like love. He is only a man. Nothing has fundamentally changed about the place we find ourselves in but everything has changed because we have a black president and that is impossible in America but it's true because there is a black man who is the next president of the United States telling me it is true. And I believe it because I feel innocent, fresh, clean, and new again. And if, what I know to be impossible has happened, then anything is possible.

And I know I don't want this feeling to end.